Showdown on the Pennine frontier

Sounds like the title of a classic Spaghetti Western eh? Not quite but you’re on the right lines. Ditch moonshine round campfires for pints of mild in social clubs, the Alamo for Elland Road and bison on the prairie for hardy moorland flocks and you’re almost there. Keep the backward dress sense (for Yorkshire), duelling banjos (for both sides) and TV spin off after TV spin off (Our Yorkshire Farm, The Yorkshire Vet, Our Great Yorkshire Life, Yorkshireman Wipes His Arse) for Yorkshire and you’ve hit the bullseye (Clayton-Le-Moors very own Jim Bowen). The rivalry between these closest of neighbours once boiled over and culminated in a Civil War, we don’t do things by halves up here. Lancashire’s crimson rose full of vivacity, warmth and soul. Yorkshire’s faded counterfeit, austere, bland and lifeless. Here I’ll put to bed the petty arguments with a sincere, serious and accurate representation of the cold hard facts, after all I’m no fan of unfair, prejudiced or biased reportage. With that said let’s make this a best of five frames, a Barbican style shootout. Country, Coast, Cuisine, Music and Sport. May the best county win.

Country

A tricky opening frame as Lancs miss a crucial black whilst in the balls and the Yorkies clear up.

Underrated is the word I’d use for Lancashire’s countryside. Pound for pound it plays host to some of our countries most atmospheric vistas and whilst seldom mentioned in TV travel docs, it is by my reckoning a hidden gem. Perhaps its proximity to The Lakes, Dales and Peak District has a lot to answer for. The Trough of Bowland was of course a firm favourite of Queen Lizzie, whilst at the opposite end of the social spectrum, Pendle (Hill) and its surrounding foothills hold a special place within my heart. Downham village that sits at the foot of this fine mound gives the impression of a journey back in time and would comfortably go 12 rounds with any Wensleydale idyl, however Yorkshire’s Dales are vaster and more well known, blowing our smaller pockets of green out of the water. Middleham is a personal favourite, not for its sheer beauty but for the sound of thoroughbred hooves trotting past its cottages and pubs. Add to this Brontë country, Ingleton’s falls and Ingleborough’s caves and it becomes a rout.

Yorkshire 1 Lancashire 0

Coast

A scrappy affair which sees Lancashire prevail deep into the colours.

Oh I do love to be beside the seaside, oh I do love to be beside the sea, oh I do love to be beside the prom prom prom where the seagulls scream *insert something derogatory about Geoffrey Boycott, Keith Lemon or Gareth Gates*. In all seriousness I’m a huge fan of the seaside. Being close to the water always blesses me with both a sense of calm and a yearning for exploration with the endless horizon just waiting to be conquered. Whilst Irish Sea swells batter the Costa Del Lancashire, those on the East Coast are besieged by an ever so volatile North Sea. During the Victorian era Britain witnessed the creation of its seaside resorts, with hotels and piers springing up along vast stretches of coastline. These small towns catered to everyone from royalty to the humble mill workers who powered Britain’s burgeoning industrial empire. Shimmering like a beacon through the smog, grime and dirt was Blackpool, a favourite with the denizens of East Lancashire’s cotton towns. Our grandparents took day trips there during ‘wakes weeks’, our parents holidayed there as nippers and eventually we sampled the delights of its fabled illuminations and marvelled at its tower. Now it’s not easy competing with ‘Vegas of the North’ and though a worthy adversary, Scarborough has never achieved the worldwide acclaim or notoriety of Blackpool. Where Yorkshire probably does have the edge is in the quaint fishing villages that spread out from the fringes of Whitby. Robin Hoods Bay a former smuggling den and Staithes the former home of Captain Cook are two that immediately spring to mind. This was a close run thing but the iconic nature of Blackpool and its sentimental value was enough to ensure a hard fought Lancastrian triumph.

Yorkshire 1 Lancashire 1

Cuisine

Another close encounter in which both sides produced moments of pure quality, culminating in a narrow White Rose victory.

You know it’s not good when my dad, an ardent Lancastrian, is stocking his cupboards with Yorkshire Tea. Sacrilegious infact! Not only that, he screws up his face at the thought of its cross border counterpart and though his preference for chocolate is of the ‘Brummie’ persuasion (Cadbury) he’s also more than partial to a KitKat (Rowntrees, York). That sort of sums this section up, a man willing to turn his back on the county he loves in the ceaseless quest to satisfy his taste buds. Now Lancs does of course boast the ultimate ‘working-man’s’ dish, the Lancashire Hotpot. Born into the sheer poverty of the Industrial Revolution this must have gone down a treat after a day down’t pit, it’s still a touch now and though the times and employment have changed, our food remains largely the same. Eccles cakes (Salford), potted shrimp (Morecambe Bay) and Vimto (Manchester, god bless that sweet claret nectar) are a few more examples of Lanky’s culinary heritage but these face the sternest of resistance from across the frontier. From Seabrook crinkle cut crisps (Bradford) to Rowntrees (York) never ending stable of sweet toothed delights (Pastilles, Smarties, Aero, Kit Kat, After Eight, Lion and of course the Yorkie) the county has provided some of Britain’s most cherished treats, but even these pale into insignificance when it comes down to the famous Yorkshire pudding. Many of my aforementioned delights are what you’d class as home-town heroes, Vimto for example has a strong following in the North, whilst I can only imagine that the rustic ‘hotpot’ strengthens the anti-northern Southern stereotype that we still eat like it’s 1941. Where the pudding deviates from these pitfalls and what ultimately gives Yorkshire the victory here, is its universal popularity throughout the British Isles.

Yorkshire 2 Lancashire 1

Music

Fifteen reds, fifteens blacks and the colours sees Lancashire score a maximum of 147 and force the decider.

Before I wax lyrical about the Lancastrian music scene please be aware that for the sake of this duel I’m referring to Ceremonial County lines. There’s many in Greater Manchester and Merseyside who disregard their lowly roots in favour of a far more ‘cultured’ and ‘happening’ version of Lancastrianism and I think I know why. As their important metropolises exploded onto the global stage these inhabitants were keen to cast off any unfashionable shackles and feigned all emotional connection with the mother ship, but the fact remains that these are two Lancastrian cities, both of whose prosperity was in no small part aided by the fertile mining and weaving landscapes that spread out to their north and east. Putting these petty inter county squabbles to one side let’s push on with the important stuff. Much alike Lancashire’s countryside, Yorkshire’s music scene can proudly lay claim to a group of artists that punch well above their weight. The eighties spawned new wave and synth pop giants such as Soft Cell (formed Leeds, though both lads had strong links to Lancs), ABC and The Human League (both Sheffield) who all left their mark on a golden era of British music. Around the same time the King of Pop (Paul Heaton, Sheffield) was producing both political hits and catchy classics (sometimes a combination of both) with firstly The Housemartins and latterly The Beautiful South (both Hull). Mr Heaton is a personal favourite of mine and has a body of work that would measure up nicely alongside the back catalogues of some of the UK’s greatest ever hitmakers. Then came the nineties with Shed Seven (York) and Pulp (Sheffield) both having a good go at things whilst at the same time playing second fiddle to similar (Lancastrian) bands of that time. At the turn of the century all of the above were eclipsed on a worldwide stage by Alex Turner and his Arctic Monkey’s (Sheffield) who produced cracking album after cracking album until the slick haired frontman decided to drop his Yorkshire twang for a smooth, slightly creepy American drawl. Bizarre. Whilst on the topic of worldwide domination we should probably skip over the Pennines and check out what musical talent the ‘Red Rose’ has to offer. Here I could drone on about number one singles, record breaking albums or groups that have became global phenomenons, but in order to keep things rolling, a comprehensive list that bursts with not only quality but also quantity has been compiled. George Formby (Wigan), The Beatles (Liverpool), The Hollies (Manchester, with members from East Lancs), Gerry & The Pacemakers (Liverpool), Herman’s Hermits (Manchester), The Real Thing (Liverpool), The Buzzcocks (Bolton), Joy Division (Salford), Echo & The Bunnymen (Liverpool), The Smiths (Manchester), Frankie Goes to Hollywood (Liverpool), New Order (Salford), A Flock of Seagulls (Liverpool), Chumbawamba (Burnley), The Stone Roses (Manchester), Happy Mondays (Salford), Simply Red (Manchester), The Farm (Liverpool), Milltown Brothers (Colne), Inspiral Carpets (Oldham), Oasis (Manchester), M People (Manchester), The Verve (Wigan), Lisa Stansfield (Rochdale), N-Trance (Oldham), Elbow (Bury), Courteeners (Middleton), Twisted Wheel (Oldham). You’re welcome.

Yorkshire 2 Lancashire 2

Sport

A frantic and nervy decider sees chances for both, but it’s the Red side who hold their nerve, producing a world class finish to triumph in this most epic of clashes.

The end is nigh. A legendary tussle between these oldest of foes has come down to this. Who has the edge in the sporting world? Now this section could quite easily be the root cause of a War of the Roses sequel, but there can only be one winner. Let’s then begin with football, a sport that is worshiped on both sides of the border. When the Football League was founded in 1888, six of the twelve clubs represented were of the Lancastrian variety with the remainder representing various towns and cities of the Midlands. Yorkshire on the other hand provided not one pioneer club and it has found itself playing catch up ever since. I’m not one for stats but if we focus solely on Football League Titles won, sixty-five have gone the way of Lancashire (with Man United and Liverpool contributing thirty-nine of these) whilst Yorkshire have only eleven. This may come as a surprise to some - not on the mighty Leeds United’s watch surely? Funnily enough it’s Sheffield Wednesday that are the most successful (four) when it comes to winning leagues, whilst the relatively small town of Huddersfield (141,000) ties with Leeds as the White Rose’s second most prolific (three a piece), but even Huddersfield’s impressive record is somewhat eclipsed by Lancastrian Burnley (78,000) who are quite comfortably the smallest town ever to win the First Division trophy (twice). Maybe then the Steel City has a rightful claim to Yorkshire’s throne with its musical excellence and not only one but two league champions (Wednesday & United)? Throw into the mix a proud boxing heritage (Prince Naseem, Johnny Nelson, Kell Brook), a true cricketing great (Joe Root), two golf major champions (Willett & Fitzpatrick) and the fabled crucible theatre and these claims have even more validity. Now I’ve slightly strayed from topic here in the hopes of inciting a Yorkist civil war, but what cannot go unmentioned is their counties proud cricketing record. As much as it pains me to say it, Yorkshire are in a league of their own when it comes to winning County Championship titles, which for me is the ultimate benchmark (32 +1 shared to Lancashire’s 8 +1 shared). The Red Rose’s proud history within the limited overs format of the game does go some way to reducing this overwhelming silverware deficit, but the current trophy haul calculator stands at Yorkshire 38 Lancashire 26. With that said Lancs (who often have to contend with inclement Mancunian weather as well as dodgy umpires) are the third most successful county in the history of the game with only the brown caps of Surrey and their Headingley based arch rivals having won more. Whilst on the subject of Headingley it would be remiss of me not to mention that great northern game of the people, Rugby League. In the late 19th century northern Rugby Union clubs asked the toffs to compensate their amateur players monetarily when games clashed with working commitments, but the pleas fell on deaf ears and were met with a rebuttal of downright disdain. Thank god. Out of this sprung the fabulous game of Rugby League and it’s been played in the north ever since. Now when I say the north, I mean almost exclusively on either side of the Pennine Chain. Both counties have played host to spellbinding teams but again the Lancastrian outfits of Wigan and St Helens have somewhat ruled the roost. Leeds have come to the fore during the Super League era and neighbours Bradford enjoyed a fruitful spell before financial ruination jeopardised their dominance, but on the whole it’s another tick in the Lancastrian column. There’s countless other sporting achievements on either side of this great divide. The Yorkies will point to Danny Willett’s green jacket (Yorkshire pudding’s and Yorkshire Tea took centre stage on his Champion’s Dinner menu), Michael Dickinson training the first five home in the 1983 Gold Cup and Jessica Ennis-Hill winning Heptathlon Gold at London’s 2012 olympics, but the Lancastrian’s will fire back with Royal Lytham and Royal Birkdale, Southport’s Red Rum winning three Grand Nationals on home soil (Aintree) and Accrington’s Ron Hill being the first Brit to win the Boston Marathon. The truth is that both of these counties have birthed teams and individuals that have flourished on the world stage, providing many a magical moment along the way, and it is also true that the global sporting landscape would be a much less colourful place without them, a desolate tundra devoid of northern grit. Unlike the War of the Roses though, there can be no ambiguity here, so we must then crown a decisive winner and due to its unparalleled successes within the ‘beautiful game’, Lancashire is victorious.

Yorkshire 2 Lancashire 3

Summary

In all honesty, these duelling northern neighbours have much to be proud of. Yorkshire’s seldom had trouble grasping this, excelling in the art of self promotion and reaping the benefits touristically. In fact, if the government is ever on the hunt for a minister of propaganda, a good old Yorkshireman should fit the role nicely, although he may soon revert to type in his haste to bellow ‘YARKSHIRE’ from the top of his lungs. Lancashire on the other hand continues to lag behind its nearest and dearest when it comes to successfully marketing its many wonders, with something in the Lancastrian psyche seeming to forbid the Yorkist self confidence, preferring instead to operate in the shadows, quietly going about its business. In my own professional life I’ve seen the pros and cons of this very self-effacing outlook, it’s both a blessing and a curse, but one that’s built deep within us. Alas, I’ll leave you with this..

From the Minster of York to Preston’s Guild Hall, we’ve been there and done it and beaten them all.

We won’t tell you how, we won’t tell you why, we’re humble and gracious not timid or shy.

Our rose it is red not violet or blue, Lancastrian hearts are strong, proud and true.